~headlock

WILKOMMEN

Monday, December 04, 2006

Okay you know what.Forget that part about me saying that it's hard to delete a blog in the previous post. Because i just realised that blogging is boring.

This fact dawned upon me only when i was online one day. I was 'alone', because nobody who was worth chatting with on MSN was online. I checked my blog, and not many people tagged.

Only then did i realise that blogging is boring. Or using the computer for that matter.

I mean seriously, going on the computer just to talk to people? Can't that be done through other time-saving contraptions such as the telephone or handphone? It may be fun to talk online, but i don't see the point of playing the computer JUST to talk to people and waste time like nobody's business.

Then comes blogging. You blog for people to read? What is this, a public diary? If you think about it carefully, it is. Because some people who wear their hearts on their sleeves [e.g me] get carried away with blogging sometimes. And when people whom we don't expect to read our blogs do, they get offended. That's precisely the problem with blogging your thoughts and feelings out. In fact, 3 men have gone to jail because of this.

And now, about Friendster. You join friendster, expecting to make friends. But in the end you find out that people just add you because they like your profile or some other silly reason, then they rot on your list. You don't make the first move by saying 'hi', and they don't. Eventually, you'll find out that friendster is useless.

I can't believe how stupid i was to actually let these things prevent me from doing well this year. I might not be that bright. But if i had tried, i don't know what i may have achieved. Thanks to being distracted by all these things, i didn't try my best and i didn't do well and i get more moody and annoyed and angry with myself, which adds more reasons as to why i should have a lower self-esteem than i already do. [which is so low that if medium self-esteem was the sea level, mine would be on the bottom of the deepest ocean trench.]

-----------------------------

Right. So since i just told you my realisation of using the computer, let me proceed to other realisations. Also clarifications.

1) To people who think that i'm a poser because of my email address:

Pink is my favourite colour. A word that is almost identical to it, is punk. Therefore the address, pink_punk234@hotmail.com.

I got the idea of this email address before i went to sleep one day. So i created it the next day.

This email address was made NOT BECAUSE I THINK I'M 'PUNK' OR WHATEVER.

Until now, i still don't know what's a punk,ha.

The only thing i know about them is their fashion sense which i really like. Still, i don't think i'm 'punk' or whatever.

2) The realisation of why i absolutely LOATHE NPCC.

[a] At first i thought NPCC would make me lose weight, but in fact the opposite happened. But that's my fault so whatever.

[b]NPCC didn't increase my discipline, contrary to what people think it would do.Maybe it's my fault again.

[c] Since i'm so hellafrikinly obese, i hate to do those trainings with people who are much fitter than me because it only makes me feel weak.Once again, my fault. But i still hate NPCC.

[d] I hate/loathe/dislike/feel awkward around at least half of my squadmates.Want to know who?

Natasya, Siti, Asyikin, Afifah, Amirah. [The ones whose names i bolded, are the especially hateful ones.]

Farzean's okay but i guess we have different ways of thinking, so i can't really clique with her as well.

Why do i hate them so much?

1) Most of them are bitchy and flirty.

2) Due to number 1, you can't clique with them or get along well unless you're one of them, which i swear i'll never want to be.

3)Most of the time my other squadmate Yi Jun has a 'squad bonding' session, it'll be two very distinct cliques bonding with each other and not the whole squad together - their clique, and mine. Well not that i'm responsible for it just that i'm closer to certain people, therefore forming my clique.

Hence, i don't see the use for any 'squad bonding'. You might as well name it 'meembo babes bonding' for God's sake. [i don't care if they changed the name of their clique, they're still the same bunch of hateful people to me.]

Even our juniors have a more bonded squad than us.

[This shall be settled during the frank talk tomorrow.]

[e] Learning insignificant junk such as knots and lashings and drills and how to wear the NPCC uniform is a waste of time. Also, a waste of space to store information in a brain as tiny as mine.

[f] The CIs and some seniors are frigginly extra. If you ask other schools, their NPCC is damn slack compared to our school's.

See what i mean?

Then now you ask me why i'm whining and not doing anything about it.

And my reply is, you have NO idea how hard i have tried to get myself out of this misery i call a CCA. I've skipped trainings for no reasons this year. I always give excuses which are stupid.

Nadia.L told me she got booted by her Girl Guides' teacher-in-charge because she didn't attend a lot of Girl Guides sessions. Unfortunately, that isn't the case with NPCC.

I've asked even Mdm Li, the teacher-in-charge of all CCAs whether i could quit.

And her answer, which consisted of one word made out of two letters, was enough to reduce ANYONE to tears.

"No."

I didn't cry though, haha. I was just damn annoyed and overwhelmed by the fact that i HAVE to get along with these people in the longrun. And all those problems i had with NPCC as i have mentioned above. And also how i'm going to pull through in NCO camp, which is supposedly the hardest camp ever.

The losing weight part is entirely my fault but i can't go on for two more years stuck with these people. They aren't ordinary people. They are bimboes, for God's sake.

Okay maybe i'll whine more tomorrow. I want to go read a book now, g'day to all.

[pssh don't worry if the people i've mentioned i dislike or hate, stumble across my blog. I want them to KNOW how i feel about them.

twisting beside myself @4:26 PM

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