WILKOMMEN
:3
Bill Kaulitz is teh seks. <3
I also wish for world peace, end of poverty,happiness and justice for everyone. :]
k sorry, but just have to add a few things about the post below.
1) got spelling error. 'insure' is 'insecure'. heh.
2) i might be able to accept people's flaws already, but one thing i can't stand are people complaining to me about how much their lives suck just because of one pathetic aspect. some of you know what i'm talking about.
3) since i'm making an effort to improve myself, i'm going to be direct now. to your face. if you irritate me or make me angry (while i can still detect it unretardedly), i'll say it. to your face. and i will distance away from gossiping as much as possible. one thing i'm happy about myself is that i can control my gossiping. :D
so i'm sorreh if i hurt your feelings or i'm being too direct. i won't gossip. i'll be honest, but hopefully not brutally honest.
and to people who are insensitive to me,i'll be insensitive back. fight fire with fire, you know. to your face. yup. i've said that three times in total in this post.
that's it. chiao.
twisting beside myself @5:25 PM
ok well, so i didn't go for ATC camp. meh. big friggin deal. i have a piano exam next wednesday and the CAs are coming up. it's just too bloody bad if i don't get promoted or something just because i didn't go for this camp. and i'm not the only one, half my squad (seriously.) didn't go. kinda a bad example for the juniors, though. i hope they don't get any funny ideas for next year's sec 3 ATC camp.
anyway,
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha. under pressure by Queen and David bowie. i giggled like a babi when i watched it.
AND! i've just heard their bohemian rhapsody song yesterday and got addicted to it until today. i swear it's one of the best songs ever written. go hear!
----------------
ok, so for what i wanted to say, which was 'a lot of things' that i said i would blog about in a post below.
1) You know the stupid realm i created of hating shallow people just to suit MY kind of world? i think i'm destroying it. the realm i mean.
i realise it's bloody unrealistic to wish and hope for a world where nobody is shallow and everyone loves each other and world peace is present.
then why, you ask, was i so strongly against shallowness at one point of time?
well, first of all i'm a very obsessive person and once i am very enthusiastic about something i really REALLY am enthusiastic about it.
so when i felt really strongly against shallow people, i really felt it if you know what i mean.
and the thing about my 'i hate you, i hate me, i hate the whole world coz everyone's goddamned shallow' mentality, i think i'm trying to scrape it off my life too.
it's only MY fault that i'm fat, and i don't think i should expect people to just go around and NOT say i'm not fat, coz the truth remains that i am.
anyway, i also realise that being shallow is really unavoidable. if no one was shallow, we would not be doing the following:
(1) ogle at hot guys/girls
(2) keep commenting about how fat/short/tall/skinny/pretty/ugly/whatever the person is
(3) judge people by their looks
(4) hate people just because they dig their noses publicly [most of the time, they are just rumours]
and plenty of other things. i'm guilty about the first 2 things i've just stated.
however, that doesn't mean i'm TOTALLY off this 'hate shallow people' mentality. i still am, but not as strongly. i just don't like it how people keep saying over-cliched things like
"Don't judge a book by its cover"
when you damn well know that EVERYONE does. or at least, a majority of the fucked up human race.
my dad said before, that 'as human beings, we love beautiful things'.
which i think is partially true and partially B.S. it's true that we all love beautiful things, like flowers, or nice clothes, or nice pencil cases etc, etc, etc.
but i don't think we should ALWAYS love people just coz they're beautiful. that's plain B.S and you might not agree with me, but i feel it only requires nothing but self-control, not that stupid excuse.
thus, as a conclusion,
- i'm officially scraping off this 'strictly-no-shallow-people' mentality. be shallow if you want, but that doesn't mean i'll like you either :D
- since i'm destroying that mentality, i'm destroying the so-called 'realm of unshallowness' that i've created, and i do apologise for any inconvenience/insure feelings that i've caused all of you.
- but that doesn't mean you have the right to call me fat and ugly to my goddamned face. get it? coz nobody deserves that.
----------
2) In a recent squabble with a friend, and a good one too, i realise that i always make the mistake of not being able to accept people's flaws.
i asked mum what that meant, and she said i'm being unrealistic. as usual.
and i also realise that i do that a lot.
i don't know why. call it retardedness if you want,but i don't usually detect anger until i go home and mope over the situation. then, i'll need to vent out my anger. how? i call the person/sms the person/go online and hope that the person is there just to tell off the person.
there have been a few victims of this crazy volcano behaviour. so if you are one of them, i'm really, really sorry. it's just me. i'm trying to stop it, but it's hard. because all my life i've been a nice person hoping for a nice friend but all i get is emotional baggage which, if i keep to myself, i'll go absolutely insane.
and i also realise that i have a problem with accepting. reason? i can't even accept myself.
what i think your reaction is now: 'so? is that supposed to be MY problem?'
my answer: no it's not. it's just that, to accept people's flaws, you have to accept your own, which i haven't even come close to doing. i'm trying to accept myself first, then that's when i'll accept everybody else, but it's usually futile.
so, i'm also trying to improve in that aspect. remember when i wrote a post about people putting on shows? i was referring to myself too. i put on a show of a happy-go-lucky person who is perfect at school. but you all SERIOUSLY don't know who i am at home.
and i also think you guys should give me credit.because remember, all those times you snapped at me, made me feel really pissed off, or irritated me, i kept it all inside and tried to be patient. i think that's also accepting, in a way. even if you have pissed me off so badly, i just kept it inside and refuse to show it, because it's a bloody show.
and you might think now that i'm retarded for keeping it all inside and exploding one fine day. well, wasn't it YOU who said nobody was perfect and that you should accept people's flaws? this is one of mine.
so, as a conclusion:
- i might seem like i'm perfect with people, but truth is, i'm far from it.
- i'll try to accept everybody's flaws from now on. even if it kills me.
- you should accept mine too.
- whenever i try to care, do NOT make it seem as though you don't give a shit about me. it hurts a lot. and that's why i always get pissed off for the smallest things.
i'm done.
twisting beside myself @5:12 PM
Sunday, July 22, 2007
130 Random Questions
When was the last time you cried?: i can't remember.
Have you ever faked sick?: i think so.
What was the last lie you said?: i won't say here!
Have you ever cried during a movie?: i think so.
Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off ?: if i tell you, you would be shocked. that's all i'm saying :D
Have you ever danced in the rain?: YAYIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Have you ever been drunk?: on caffeine
Have you ever tried tried drugs?: nope, but i have taken the wrong pills when i wanted to take something else before.
Do you smoke?: no.
What's the farthest you've ever gone on a dare?: telling the person the truth? o_O?
What is your full name?: you know.
What is your blood-type?: i swear i don't know.
Have you ever been in a car accident?: yeah! scary :O
How old were you when you recieved your first kiss?: never got one.
Who was your first kiss?: never got one.
Have you ever had an online relationship?: no.
Have you ever had phone-sex?: NO.
Have you ever been rejected by a crush?: um.
What is your favourite sport to play?: badmintonnnn
Have you ever made a prank phone call?: haha :D
Have you ever said "I Love you" and not meant it?: YEAH. PLENTY OF TIMES. i find it difficult to be sincere.
What's your favourite childhood memory?: carefreeness?
Is there anything that you have done that you regret?: oh God, where do i start.
What do you want to be when you grow up?: i have no idea.
What is your political persuassion?: my WHAT?
Have you ever had cybersex?: EEEEE.
Do you believe in g-d?: GOD? yes.good?yes.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: nope. most of the time based on looks, so yeah. no.
Do you believe in karma?: retribution, yes
Who was your first crush?: i think this dude in kindergaten
Who do yo uhave a crush on?: errrr :D
How would you describe yourself?: unfathomable.
What are you afraid of?: death
Are you religious?: sometimes
What does your screen name mean?: my msn nick is from a song.
What person do you trust the most?: my family.
Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?: zilch baybe.
What is the best compliment you have ever recieved?: i don't know. get more insults than compliments nowadays, really.
What is the meanest thing anyone has said about you?: that i'm fat and ugly? TO MY FACE?
What is the longest crush/relationship you have had?: i think.4 years.
What is your greatest strength?: i don't know.
What is your greatest weakness?: i won't say because some people i know will use it as ammunition against me when we are fighting. so i'm keeping my weaknesses to myself from now on.
What is your perfect pizza?: CANADIAN :D
What is your first thought when waking up in the morning?: shit, will i be late for school.
What is your first thought before you go to bed?: shit, will i die in my sleep.
What college do you want to go to?: i don't know.
Do you get along with your family?: yeah, pretty much.
Do you play any instruments?: peeeyaanoooo
What kind of music do you like?: the kind of music that will make my parents/grandmother think i'm satanic or something. loool.
Do you think you're attractive?: no.
Would you ever get a tattoo?: if i could! hmm. >=(
How many piercings do you have?: three.
Who makes you laugh?: hahaha. everything? especially ____.
Who would you want to be tied to for 24hours?: um. someone. yeah.
Have you ever seen a dead body?: i don't recall.
Do you have a celebrity crush?: haha.ULLIEL ULLIEL ULLIEL YEEHOOOO!
What is one thing scientists should invent?: time machines.
Have you ever broken a bone?: nope.
What happens after you die?: only God knows.
Do you watch or read the news?: sometimes.
What stereotype would you label yourself as being?: most of the time, emo, but after that i'm normal. uh. i think.
Would your friends agree with that stereotypic label?: ask them ah. why ask me.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?: something not so common, at least. and i realise that nadiah is a bit.... masculine. somehow. o_o
If you could go back in time to one point in your life, where would you go: to the time where i was born. because i wish i weren't.
If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change?: a lot of things lah.
Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: nope.
Have you ever played strip poker?: nope.
Would you ever lie to someone to make them feel good about themselves?: sometimes i do that, but i think i'd rather be frank.
What do you want your friends to think about you?: read that blog entry about shows below.
Whats the biggest argument you've ever gotten into?: with my parents, it's constantly world war three. and i refuse to apologise most of the time because i'm kinda arrogant.hehoeuheoehehe
HAve you ever bitten someone?: HAHAHA SHAHIYLIA! FOND MEMORIES MUCH!it was nothing sexual,i just felt like she was candy at that point of time. sorry ah. i'm..weird. hoho.
When's your birthday?: you don't care do you.
Have you ever stolen anything?: hehehehehe. =D I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD.
Do you make wishes on shooting stars?: no!syirik!
Whats the most you've ever eaten in one sitting?: hahaha. you see yourself ah.
If you could go back and change one day, what would it be?: the day i was born.
Do you remember your dreams?: sometimes.the only thing i know is that my most frequently-dreamed dream, is about rollercoasters. and most of the time we fall out of the sky. i wonder what that means. o_o
Have you ever been in love?: yeah. but it was wishful thinking. all of it.
Are you a morning person or a night person?: NIGHTTTTTTTTTT
Do you have any phobias?: tsk, YAWH
What's the meanest thing you've ever done to someone?: made her feel insecure by not accepting flaws. sorry ):
Have you ever been to the hospital (other then birth?: i don't recall.
How many screen names do you have?: ?
Do any medical problems run in your family?: diabetes, cancer -_-
Have anyone ever been disowned from your family?: i don't know
Have you ever had a nightmare?: YEAH.
Do you say meaner things to your friends or your enemies?: my dad told me that the people you love the most hurt you the most, because if someone you didn't care about said the same thing, it wouldn't hurt as much.
Would you ever participate in a threesome?: yuck. you're sick aren't you?
Would you ever pay for a prostititue?: DHEY. I AM A GIRL LAH.
Have you ever mooned or flashed someone?: NO EWWW
Have you ever cheated on your bf/gf?: i've never had any, you stupid bastard.
Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: HAHAH YEAHHH.
Have you ever written a love letter?: no.
Have you ever attempted suicide?: had thoughts about it.
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: spongebob boxers!
Have you ever been in a fistfight?: i always win coz my brothers don't use their fists ^_^
Do you have any hidden talents?: i hope so.
What is one thing you want me to know about you?: i'm sure you don't care.
What is one question you wouldn't want me to ask?: i don't know?
Do you usually prefer books or movies?: books. more informative.
Who is your favourite person to talk to?: my mother, grandmother, and shahiylia is a pretty patient person who can take my random thoughts
Who is always able to cheer you up when you're sad?: the people above. this doesn't exclude my other friends though.
Would you ever have sex before marriage?: no.
Who do you talk to most on the phone?: not many people.
Do you have a secret that yo'ure ashamed of?: i think so.
Do you prefer british or american spelling of words?: british. :D british anything, esp accent, is hot.(i sound stereotypical.)
Have you ever gotten detention?: getting. late 4 times meh.
How do you vent your anger?: emoing. blogging. eating chocolates.
Have you ever been on a diet?: fail miserably ALL the time.
Would you ever date someone younger than you? Older than you?: older.
Is your best friend a virgin?: YEAH. haha.
What's a rumor someone has spread about you?: i don't know. i don't want to know.
What's the kinkiest thing you could ever actually see yourself as doing?: i won't say here idiot.
What's the meanest thing anyone has ever done to you?: loads of things lah. people are evil.
What's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?: give me a birthday present despite me being an asshole to her, back in primary school.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?: feels like it anyway.
Have you ever cut yourself on purpose?: heh. :\
Have you ever wanted to murder someone?: YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
Have you ever hated someone?: hell yes.
Do you prefer talking on the phone or online?: phone. it's faster.
Do you consider yourself popular?: i live among the shadows. HAHA.
Would you ever tell the person you have a crush on that you like them?: yeah.
Have you ever had a crush on an enemy?: no. although i can see myself having one.
Have you ever had a crush on a best friend?: my friends are 99.9% girls man.
What is your favourite book?: i don't read much. trying to change.
Do you have a collection of anything?: negative thoughts -__-
Are you happy with the person you are becoming?: no.i'm trying to change but it's very difficult.
Are you a different person now then you were 5 years ago?: very much so. i used to be called the 'sunshine girl'. now i'm just a black hole.
What do you see yourself as being in 5 years from now?: i swear i don't know. and i don't want to think about it.
Are you happy with the life you have?: yes and no.
Take this survey Find more surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site
twisting beside myself @10:18 PM
So tell me what you want what you really really want?
-I want to be comfortable in my own skin. even though i'm fat. which... is difficult. yeah.
-I want good grades.
-I want self-discipline.
-I want to love myself,my family members and friends for who they are despite their imperfections.
-I want to be a better Muslim.
-I want people to understand that other people have feelings.
-I want world peace.
and many other things.
Out of the above, what is most reacheable?
recently i aced a test and it made me want to achieve more. :D
What's the most troubling thing in the world to you?
self-control and a whole lot of other shit in this problematic world.
Sights/Smells/Sounds?
HEHEHE BIBAH AND I HAVE SIMILAR INTERESTS IN SMELLS XD
sounds? nah. sights, plenty of scenery. [:
What do you think of smiles?
it makes me feel better.
What do you think of beauty?
it is of extreme unimportance to me. i know this sounds cliched, but inner beauty rules. serious.
despite saying that, though, i do admit feeling self-conscious most of the time
What do you define as cool?
inner beauty :D
Rain/Shine?
light shower with a breeze. where you need an umbrella but there's no thunder or lightning or water splashing onto your leg.
or. bright but very breezy.
What do you define as a bestfriend?
after the recent fall out with a friend, i realised that everybody has imperfections. however, i really want my best friend to be able to be there for me when push comes to shove. and understand me. not being conceited, so vice versa too of course.
What constantly keeps you going everyday?
i don't know really. life? or to prove everyone that i'm not a loser? yeah.
What is one common assumption people share about you that's not true?
that because i'm so-called 'rich', i'm supposed to be happy and have less problems than anyone else.
Who is the most important person in your life?
i don't know. without my parents i wouldn't be here, without their support i'll crash and burn, without my grandmother life has no meaning, without my friends i wouldn't get to learn life experiences.hope that answers your question.
---------------
life is showbiz.
at home you're this pessimistic depressed kid, and at school you put up a show that you aren't, and that in fact you're the opposite-a bubbly,happy,fun-loving kid.
on magazines people wear make-up to enhance their looks and go around saying their life is perfect.
do we really know what's going on in their lives?
no, we don't.
it's just a show.
around different people you're different.
unless you have a concrete identity and you're secure enough to show it to everyone.
other than that, we're all just shows. life is a stage. we're actors, coming on at different times, and playing different roles.
but then, amidst all this 'acting', where do we find our true selves?
the answer, i believe, lies deep down inside for nobody to see.
and thus, it pains my heart when people go around judging others by what meets the eye, and not what is felt with the heart.
and please stop saying it's human nature. first impressions are NOT human nature.
it's all a matter of self-control, whether you want to believe that person IS like that at a first glance or not. i too, admit that sometimes i judge people from the outside. but at least i am making an effort not to.
so, whatever to you. believe what you want and do what you want. i'm done with you. everytime i say something, you'll think i'm trying to act like a saint, when all i'm trying to do is to knock into your thick head a sense of CONSCIOUSNESS of what you're doing.
maybe on the outside you put on a show that you're confident and happy. but deep down inside every actor has his shortcomings when it comes to confidence.
thank you. i hope you understood this bull that i've just typed. if you don't, well, it doesn't matter to me. this is my show to you.
twisting beside myself @12:32 PM
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! EEE! I'M SORRY THAT THIS IS SO RANDOM, BUT EEEE!
EEEE!!!
WHAT THE HELL ARE P!ATD DOING TAKING PICS WITH PEOPLE IN CHOLIS????
AND WTF IS BRANDON DOING? POUTING ABOVE HER BOOB? UM, EWWW?!?!?!
AND RYAN? BODY AGAINST HER? HELLO? WHERE'S YOUR MARUAH?
EWWWW! SUNNGUH TIDAK SENONOH! YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING?? I WAS DOING LIT PROJECT AND SEARCHING THE NET FOR MUSE AND P!ATD PICS FOR MY FILE AND FOUND THIS??
THIS????
AND OMG! I FOUND TWO MORE! WTHHH
ok, so i admit that brandon looks cute in the second one.
but the third one is downright bloody sexual lah can. eeee. jon walker PULLING HER HAIR? brandon's head BESIDE HER WAIST? and remember kids, SHE'S WEARING A BLOODY CHOLI, NOT A JUBAH OR WHAT YOU KNOW, A CHOLI, AS IN, UNDERGARMENT.
thus, i reiterate my point, and that is
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
hari khiamat (sp?) is coming. i can bloody feel it sial. eeee.
goodbye good people, and remember, NEVER take pictures with four boys when you're SEVERELY underdressed. thank you and i love you.
twisting beside myself @12:17 AM
Sunday, July 15, 2007
have any of you ever suffered from this feeling,which is about you wanting to be locked up in a dark room forever, until you forget that you're alive, and when you're dying you won't really feel the pain because you felt dead your whole life in the dark room anyway?
hmmm. sometimes i think i'm really going insane.
i think if i have time, i'm going to blog tomorrow. i have many things to say. have a good life now, everyone. =
twisting beside myself @11:00 PM
Saturday, July 14, 2007
HAHAHA! i found this picture in ellaisha's blog. so cool/cute.
twisting beside myself @10:22 PM
Ok, so i deleted that post below because i realised that people would think i'm lesbian and avoid me.
i just realised that it's more of admiration, not crushing. eurgh.
anyway, i hope non of you are those narrow-minded shits who go
'People who i want to meet: NoBoDy WhO iS lEsBiAn Or GaY!'
Honestly people. It's THEIR problem. Not YOURS. so butt out of their lives and treat them like human beings who they STILL ARE.i mean, it's not as if they turned to aliens just coz they're gay. I'm not encouraging it, but i just hate people who are so stereotypical. I swear to God. Just die and burn in hell please?
Ok, but that's besides the point. Now i hope you don't think i'm lesbian because i'm defending gays. -_-
i'm NOT LESBIAN! just admire people, not crush on them. heh. anyway i don't think i'll ever get married. boo.
----------------
you know what i can't stand besides stereotypical people? fine. i can't stand a lot of things. but i can't stand this one the MOST.
i absolutely ABHORE people who love to rub it in. either that, or are insensitive to other people's feelings, either coz they're ignorant to that fact or just plain stupid(i.e, they do not think before they speak).
Some people go around with low confidence, and when they tell you their insecurities, they don't want you to RUB IT IN, they want you to HELP. as a friend. I don't expect you to give advice but at least make me feel better by not being an insensitive idiot?
and don't give me that 'i'm your friend, i don't think you care what i say' shit.
EVERYONE HAS FEELINGS.
and while i'm slightly more emotional than other people, i don't think it's a wise idea to keep reminding the person of how fat/ugly/bad/(whatever evil thing you're going to say) she is.
Thank you, and i extremely hate all you insensitive bodohs out there. this, by the way, is one-third of a post i'm going to write when i have the time. it's about insensitive shits. again. and i'm not whining. goodbye.
twisting beside myself @8:10 PM
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