~headlock

WILKOMMEN

Thursday, October 18, 2007

heha

So Random
1) Who was you're 2nd grade teacher? i..don't remember?
2) A club or a bar? club
3) How many sibilings do you have? 2
4) Single, Dating or Married??? offline xD
5) Wal-Mart or Target? huh?
6) Is you're glass half full or half empty? half empty, as always. now three-quaters empty. sheesh.
7) Best Friend? none. good friends!
8) Last person to kiss you like they really meant it? nah, don't get kisses.
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results, results, results, results, results.

depressed, annoyed, regretful, wasted, hopeless.

but i'm not whining. i can't whine. it's all my fault, my lack of time management, self-discipline, focus, blah blah blah.

i've heard that one before.

but there's a new one to all that: i've completely wasted 9 years of my life. (pri 1-5, sec 1-3. at least i mugged during p6)

next year, it's either make it or break it.

yeah, yeah, you tell me. YOU'VE heard that one before too.

to tell you the truth, so have i. i remember around this time of the year last year, or later (seeing that some shits decided to push the O's earlier this year, and inevitably our exams) i was saying exactly the same thing, knowing my year was shit and there was always hope for the next.

only to be disappointed.

again.

but you know what?

ENOUGH.

i'm tired of feeling stupid.
i'm tired of thinking that people think i'm stupid.
i'm tired of dwelling on the negatives all the time.
i'm tired of inferiority complexes.
i'm tired of my parents telling me daily of how completely wasted my 'potential' (have to put it in inverted commas as it has YET to be seen) is.
i'm tired of my parents telling me daily of how useless i am, or how no self-respecting child of two doctors' can bring home such shit-ass results.
i'm tired of feeling hopeless.
i'm tired of feeling depressed.
i'm tired of my heart sinking whenever i get my papers.
yes, you say. 'how can you feel pain when it's all you've ever felt?'
i haven't gotten THAT jaded. i still have feelings, hopes, dreams, wishes and thoughts about my future.
i'm tired of letting it all get crushed to FUCKING MINUTE-SIZED PIECES BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO SUCCUMB AND RELAPSE INTO STUPID FREAKING TEMPTATIONS OF BEING LAZY.

enough, you idiot. enough. i'm tired of all this under-performing.

oops, i'm sorry. didn't i just say i can't whine?

-_-

next year man. next year i'll show them. next year i'd want to see envy, but this time, it won't be coming from me, it'll be coming from the people around me.

obnoxious, you say? well i'm no angel. if i can't do it because i lack conviction, then revenge is the only way.

but then again, as i'm saying all this, i can't help but feel discouraged. what makes me think that i can get off my friggin lazy ass to study during the holidays? what do i do daily? must i make my own timetable? what about a study plan? what do i do then? ten-year-series? make notes? how the HELL do i pass some subjects which i've NEVER passed this year before? what do i do now?

i guess it's time i took control of my life. lack of it just makes me suicidal. but the point is, next year people. next year. this year was shit. next year hopefully, with the help of GOD of course, things would be different.

and if i started early, which is now, then slowly and maybe surely, everything will fall right into place.

another quiz to cheer me up.

Love
1) Are you in love now... or falling in love? trying to fall OUT of it.
2) Have u been cheated on? nah, no bf to start with.
3) Have you cheated on someone? nope. " " " " ".
4) Are you in a relationship now? nah.
5) When was your last break up? never had one dude.
6) How many boyfriends have you had? zilch.
7) Do you ever want 2 get married and have kids? no idea. getting married sounds quite appealing though.
8) Who is your first true love (even if it didnt work out)? nobahday.
9) Do you believe in Love at first site maybe, sometimes. and if it's about looks only then it sucks.
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haha. that REALLY helped to cheer me up -_- okay whatever. happy thinking about your futures, everybody.

twisting beside myself @7:24 PM

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*So Random*
1) Who was you're 2nd grade teacher?	i..don't remember?
2) A club or a bar?	club
3) How many sibilings do you have?	2
4) Single, Dating or Married???	offline xD
5) Wal-Mart or Target?	huh?
6) Is you're glass half full or half empty?	half empty, as always. now three-quaters empty. sheesh.
7) Best Friend?	none. good friends!
8) Last person to kiss you like they really meant it?	nah, don't get kisses.
Take this survey Create your own survey Daily survey
Explore Thousands of Life Experiences.

*Love*
1) Are you in love now... or falling in love?	trying to fall OUT of it.
2) Have u been cheated on?	nah, no bf to start with.
3) Have you cheated on someone?	nope. " " " " ".
4) Are you in a relationship now?	nah.
5) When was your last break up?	never had one dude.
6) How many boyfriends have you had?	zilch.
7) Do you ever want 2 get married and have kids?	no idea. getting married sounds quite appealing though.
8) Who is your first true love (even if it didnt work out)?	nobahday.
9) Do you believe in Love at first site	maybe, sometimes. and if it's about looks only then it sucks.
Take this survey Create your own survey Daily survey
Explore Thousands of Life Experiences.