WILKOMMEN

:3

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Bill Kaulitz is teh seks. <3

I also wish for world peace, end of poverty,happiness and justice for everyone. :]

Monday, January 21, 2008

WHY AM I SO ADDICTED TO THIS SONG RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

wtf. i hope it's not because i'm subconsciously __________________________________.

i've been a lazy pig this weekend, literally eating and then sleeping. i don't know whether i'm just being lethargic, lazy and giving excuses not to get my ass off the bed and study, or unhealthy. maybe all three. -_-

ahhh stop whining ah. 'menyampah', as someone i know would say (XD)

and i really have to lose weight. i look like a big chunk of meat in photos with only a ponytail to make my gender distinct. i bet that if i didn't have long hair i'd look like a drag queen.

good night.

twisting beside myself @3:13 PM

Saturday, January 19, 2008

twisting beside myself @2:13 PM

Friday, January 18, 2008

you know what's the RUDEST, most EXCRUCIATING and IRRITATING thing ANYONE can ever wake up to?

twisting beside myself @3:17 PM

Monday, January 14, 2008

this is the emo grade 6 piece i'm talking about!

and this girl played it so well! mgosh. she got a distinction for this piece.

it's sunday night and i haven't done my homework or studied. haha. and it's almost the third week of sec four. HAHAHA.

-________________________________-

bye.

twisting beside myself @11:19 AM

Sunday, January 13, 2008

nyaha sorry again, aishah.

1. Is it difficult for you to look into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel?
= quite. i'm not very good at face-to-face confrontations. i also like to see the body as a whole for that person's reactions. whether she/he is tensing up, crying, laughing, smiling, etc.

2. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call.
Who would you call?
= I'd call my family, tell them i said goodbye, and tell them to tell my friends i said goodbye, then say some religious stuff before my ass crashes to the ground.

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
(A) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
(B) What do you do with your remaining days?
(C) Would you be afraid?
= (A) yes. my family and close friends. and to someone who barks at me to study hard for the 'future', and i'll go ' dude, i'm dying soon. what's the point anyway?' yeah.

(B)repent for my sins, see places which i've always wanted to see.

(C) WHAT DO YOU THINK??? i'm so not prepared to face Him.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.
= love. because someone out there gives a damn about you and will help you in your times of need. and i don't just mean boy-girl relationships.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side ofthe street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get
fired. What do you do?
= probably save the dog. and if i get fired, heck. i was late for a good reason.

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
= a place, wherever that place is, to find peace. and escape the hecticness of life.

8. Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you?
=nobody i know personally died yet. haha. but if she/he was suffering from some terrible disease, i wouldn't want to give one year of my life for one more hour of suffering from her/him.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
= not...really. i'm very moodswingy, and i'm scared of moodswingy people.

10. Does love = sex?
= yucks. no.

11. Your best friend dies, what would you do?
= i have no best friends but if my CLOSE friend died, i'd probably cry my eyes out for a few weeks, then begin to accept it. but the few weeks are gonna be extremely tough for me, i'm not one to adapt to very sudden and painful changes.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
= i can't remember. haha.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
= that i do not love them back. although i'd never do such a thing, it's very selfish.i'd just try to appreciate the fact that someone out there loves me.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
= for now, chocolates and my habit of wasting time. for the future, probably my life.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
= a few days ago i think.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even
if you had "no regrets" what would it be?
= study harder from the freaking start of secondary school in sec 1. <-haha, damn right aishah. me too.


17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?
= at first i'll just sit up in bed, and it gets louder and closer, i'd look out the window. then it depends on what's outside the window. if it's a burglar, i'd probably scream my lungs out and run to my parents' room and tell them. if it's a ghost, then i'd probably faint. if it's a cat, then i paiseh.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
= LAWL WHAT A QUESTION. i don't know how to do CPR dahling. i'd probably be just kissing the person trying to figure out how to give him/her CPR. then the person dies.

19. Are you old-fashioned?
= not really.

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?
= i guess the first one. it will be good to know that, even if it was for a short period of time, somebody gave a damn about you. not having love is very bad for the mental health. and by saying all this, i don't just mean BGRs. i mean it in every possible way whoever can love you.

and i have to go take a shit now. bye.

twisting beside myself @4:40 AM

Friday, January 11, 2008

i'm feeling very emotionally drained today. seriously, i don't think i care about anything anymore.

anyway, as an attempt to make myself feel better,

1.What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
-stupid, cheap, a big mistake.

2. Do you bite your nails?
- YEAH. lol.

3.Are you a jealous person?
- yes, actually i am. very.

4 .What are you allergic to?
- dust, the school's quadrangle and field's grass, cat's fur i think.

5.What books, if any, have made you cry?
- zilch. although new moon made me brood for a while. lol.

6.Does it get annoying when somebody says they'll call you, but doesn't?
-nobody actually does that, i'm always the one who calls. anyway i won't get annoyed, just curious why they didn't call.

7 .What is your favorite simple ice cream flavor?
- chocolate

8.Whose car were you in last?
- parents'.

9.What would you rather be doing
right now?
- something useful like studying or exercising instead of brooding around over useless things


10. What song lyrics, if any, are stuck in your head at the moment?
- 'Jigsaws falling into place, there is nothing to explain
Regard each other as you pass
She looks back, you look back
Not just once
Not just twice
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare
You've got a light you can feel it on your back
You've got a light you can feel it on your back
Jigsaws falling into place'

radiohead. and that's copied and pasted by the way. i only have the tune in my head X)


11 .What did you dress up as for Halloween?
-i don't celebrate halloween, but if i did i'd dress up as a clown or barney. they are both scary and paedophile-looking.

12.What are your favorite TV shows?
- anything on mtv. and spongebob.

13 . Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
- i've been exposed to nothing but estrogen for 10 years now, including this year. what do you think?

14.Can others make you cry easily?
- yeah.

15. Who was the last person to piss you off?


1 6. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
-sometimes

17. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
- not really. but i'm conscious of what i eat nowadays.

18.If you could be any type of fruit, what would you be and why?
- durian. it has this, i don't know. edge to it.haha.

19 .How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
- 6 at the very least.

20.When was the last time you slept on the floor?
- can't remember.

21.Have you ever been attracted to someone, but not physically?
- yes.

2 2 .What are some things that are needed in a relationship?
- trust, unconditional love, understanding, the ability to get the message across to the other person that you sincerely give a damn, acceptance of flaws. just to name a few. but these are the most important.

24 .Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
-not being shallow, just that my parents would flip. so no. but given the chance, maybe.

2 5.Do you believe the guy or girl should pay on the first date?
- just pay yourself for God's sake. is it so hard? girls shouldn't use guys. guys should let the girl try to have a backbone. and if girls don't have money, just don't go for the stupid date and stay in. wtf.

26.Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
- i want one more on my upper left ear, but my parents would kill me. nose would be nice too, but aishah said i'll look like a 'minah poser'. hahaha.

27.Which do you make: dreams or plans?
- dreams, and to get those i make plans.

28.Can you speak any languages other than English?
- malay, and 1 to 5 of chinese and khmer XD

29.What is your favorite salad?
- i eat any salad.

30.What movies do you know every line?
- none.

31 .Has anyone told you a secret this week?
- i think so.

32.Have you told someone else that secret?
- yes, i think so too. haha. uh, oops.

33 .Would you rather take the picture or be in it?
- take.

34.Do you wear flip- flops?
- yeap.

35.If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- don't know. something that will make me stick thin, yes.

36 .What 's the sweetest thing
- knowing somebody out there gives a flying fuck about you, and chocolates and sugar.


there. done.

twisting beside myself @11:36 AM

Thursday, January 10, 2008

twisting beside myself @5:42 PM

well, the maths test certainly didn't go as well as we had expected, did it?

stupid maths.

stupid chapters.

stupid lack of practice.

and most of all, stupid me.

and next week we have an Amaths test, where trigo will be included. all three chapters of it :D

mampos kamu, dan kami semua.

-_-.

BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAYEEE :D

some...things. to be more specific.

i felt this very strange light feeling after school, then i was asking myself where it came from cos apu wasn't in a good mood when i saw her at the bus stop.

THEN I REALISED WHO IT CAME FROM.

XD

nyehehehehehehe.

i feel so happy to be treated as a human beingggg.

=D

k whatever.

TIPA, I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR PHONE REALLY QUICKLY. i miss messaging you merepek things ehheheheheheehehehehe

hehehehehehhehe

i feel bouncy now.

and i slept from around 7.30pm to 11pm?? o.o?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.sorry to keep you waiting triton 2.

giler bahbu setan.


idioteque says:
you like MCR?
matt says:
eeeee i dont like
matt says:
i dont even think of trying to even think to try to even listen
matt says:
get that
matt says:
hahahah
idioteque says:
HAHAHAHA? OKAY.

heha funny.

and today, sharifah told the class during higher malay a joke that keeps me laughing until now. XD

and this post is boring so i might as well end it here

twisting beside myself @5:14 PM

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

tyra banks kicks skinny asses in that video XD



and this is a nice song :D



and atiqah is addicted to this song?more like dance. haha!

and i have to go now.

twisting beside myself @2:02 PM

Monday, January 07, 2008

HURRAY! i found the piece i'm looking for. and it's prelude in C sharp minor, not C minor. bodowe.




yeah, it's kinda fast. but so what! i played a fast piece for grade 5 which i thought i would mess up and got quite high!(lawl sorry about the boasting) IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHIIIIIIIINGGGG.

i know it's not big deal when you hear it, but i just have this y'know, THING, for emo pieces. this one's quite emo. and the jay chou one is just BEAUTIFUL. and crazy. jay chou is a genius :O

kae, i have to go now. and i don't know wtf is the heymaths site(dot com? dot cu? dot net?? o_o???) or have they changed it to asknlearn? because i need to go through matrixes. the textbook doesn't provide sufficient information.pffffffffffffffffftttttttttt.

and haha tips, i really freaked out when you told me imogen heap is a woman. and wikipedia said that's her real name. XD

twisting beside myself @3:51 AM

Sunday, January 06, 2008

LOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL



HAHAHAHAHAHA THIS BUMPER STICKER I FOUND FROM FACEBOOK IS HILARIOUS I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING/SMILING/SNIGGERING NOW



XD



but then again.when can i stop laughing/smiling/sniggering? seriously man.





HAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

twisting beside myself @1:48 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

D:

i can fucking die, i tell you.

there's this jay chou song my piano teacher keeps playing on the piano (which she geniusly figured out the notes and wrote out herself when she heard the song) and i can't find it on youtube!!!!

it's so beautifullllllll. it's like a fast-fast-crazy-crazy-split-personality-split-personality song. first it goes soft, then soft, then

TE NENENENENENENENENENEE

TE NENENENENENENENE(HIGH PITHCED)

TENG! TENENENE! TENG! TENG! TENENENENE

TENG! TENG! TENENENE! TENG! TENG! TENENENENE

TENENEENENENENE(HIGH PITCHED)NENENENE

TENENENENENENENEENE

*repeat that several times*

and THEN,

TEN TENNNNN!!!!! *ten!*

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH IT'S SO PRETTY, THE SONG.and the first time she played it while i was doing some theory work on the table, i was literally like

O_O

except my mouth was open, so it was like

O0O

haaaaaaaaaahahahahahah.

and it's exactly like me, in a sense that it's crazy, and it sounds quite angry.

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED THE SONG NOWWWW.NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

another song i want to hear is 'prelude in C minor', one of my exam pieces. I LOVE THAT SONG! I keep practising it until i neglect my other pieces (hehehe) till the last minute before my piano teacher arrives.

that is an emo piece. the first part is like something out of a movie, then it goes fasterrrrr.

and it's kinda fast, cos i used my metronome(sp?) for the actual pace of the song and i was struggling by page two.

BUT IT'S SO PRETTY.

and just now after piano lesson i followed my teacher to funan mall (coincidentially near city hall mrt, where me and some friends were just a few days ago) to look for a new piano, cos my current piano sucks and higher grade is more demanding, y'know y'know (wtf)

hahahahaha.

and a piano which was really nice-sounding was 4k+. so that was obviously too expensive.

one that was nice and i liked by the first time i played on it, was 3.5k, after a discount.

and my mother said we'll see first when i called her, cos apparently it's too expensive.she thought of getting me a second hand piano that didn't exceed 2k.

BUT I WANT A NEW PIANOOOOOOOOOOOOO =O

sorry, i know i sound freaking obnoxious, but i do! really really. even if it means 10 years of no birthday presents.

i remember going to tips' house to watch the shining (ha, hahahha -_-) and i played her piano. WHICH WAS GODDAMNED AWHSUMMMM.

it was a bit hard but the sound was beautiful.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

and then, just now at the piano shop, i saw a cd for grade 6 pieces. and it cost $13+, so i whipped out my wallet and just as i was about to hand $15 to the guy, my piano teacher held my hand and said not to waste money because she has the CD and i can rip the pieces if i want to.

BUT I WANT TO HEAR PRELUDE IN C MINOR SO BADLY.

and i can't stand the thought of waiting another week for her to show up just so that she can lend me the CD to rip.

i want to know how that piece is played! because according to my piano teacher, i will change my mind about taking that piece for the exams when i hear it on the CD. it's too fast.

I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I WANT TO HEAR IT I WANT TO LOVE IT I WANT TO PLAY IT FOR PIANO GRADE SIX EXAM EVEN THOUGH I FREAKING FAIL,WHICH I SURE AS HELL WON'T LET MYSELF DO BECAUSE IF YOU LOVE A PIECE YOU WILL PRACTICE IT AND IT WILL TURN OUT NICE UNLESS YOU ARE FREAKING NERVOUS DURING THE EXAM AND SCREW UP IN FRONT OF SOME BLONDE AND OLD EXAMINER WITH A PAUNCH AND A BRITISH ACCENT, WHICH I DID FOR GRADE 5, WHICH I REGRET.

:D

sorry, this post was unnecessarily bimbotic, long and hyper.

but i was never really an expert in the area of self-control.

-_-

WHICH reminds me. i need to control my laughter. really badly. i don't want to go around making a lot of noise and giving my school, family, parents, and especially myself a bad reputation.

but i'll try. it's not easy you know! breaking the habit.

breaking the habit by linkin park.

=D

-_________________________________-

right, before i waste any more precious time on the comp, i'd better start doing homework now. g'bye.

twisting beside myself @1:16 PM

Saturday, January 05, 2008

haha. changed blogskin. now don't go thinking that i'm some kind of floosy bimbo just because it's full of heartshapes and pink stuff.

i was getting quite sick of black blogskins. besides, i love heartshapes.

and referring to the, uh, love thingies,they don't mean anything. i just happened to be viewing skins of the day and this skin was made near valentine day last year.

or maybe, they do mean something. HAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAA

-__-

oh and another reason is cos i hate those BOOM-THERE! blogskins, i prefer click-y ones.(oh my GOD i hope i didn't just sound bimbo. 'boom-there', wtf.)

and i'm quite claustrophobic when it comes to blogging space. i still hate the small fonts in this blogskin though.

-_____________________________________-

bye.

stupid, stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

um, nevermind. bye y'all.

twisting beside myself @9:26 AM

Today something happened.

you're still really beautiful, you know?

twisting beside myself @8:42 AM

Friday, January 04, 2008

that wasn't funny atiqah.

-_-/ ):

.

first day of school: came late.for teh ferst tym in ma life.

-_________________________________-

second day of school: was nuts.diyana and i were really nuts in class. and when R.Lo was teaching, all of a sudden masyitah asked me what my birthday was -_- weeeeeeeiiiiiiirrrrdddd.

and she apparently loves the cute fat round girl keychain that tips bought from japan two years ago (my god it feels so weird saying that) and whenever i leave my table she touches it like shiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttt.

hahahhaha.

then we bought skinny jeans after school, and along the way i did something that i will never forgot. nor atiqah too, for that matter.

then i went home, and tips messaged me saying she knew who that person in the tagboard was.

and here i am now.

don't ever pull a stunt like that again. you hear?

twisting beside myself @11:41 AM

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

my God.

it's like a freaking new year already.

and i'm not going to come up with any more new year resolutions, because the novelty wears off within three days. tops. :D

-_-

yes i lack discipline. happy?

and i'm not going to fake optimism and wish you good luck and stuff, because

1)technically, 'good luck' is in God's hands.

2) see, i cannot imagine a year of more (attempts of) slogging, trying to lose weight, etc.

and i'm bloody sec 4. sec freaking four, damn freaking IT.

i feel like i don't qualify for that term. because i'm not mentally prepared, physically prepared (haha if i go like this to prom night i might as well jump down some 22-storey building), and most importantly (cos it affects me the most) EMOTIONALLY prepared.

tsk....... but what can i do. i might as well stop giving excuses and live with it.

so, instead of wishing y'all good luck, all i can say is:

i HOPE AND PRAY that you're prepared for whatever comes, and whatever DOES come, just be strong enough to accept it.

and whatever DOESN'T come, well, it's all in God's hands.

all in God's hands.

):

just now at the dinner table we were discussing something along the lines of how sometimes we pray so hard and don't get what we want, then my dad said something like,"but it's okay, God always has a plan for you."

and it got me thinking you know. if YOU don't have a plan, will GOD still then have a plan?

or does God want to see us put in effort first instead of seeing each one of us wasting our lives away?

but then, will he STILL have a plan?

i don't know. and i doubt i will know. i can only try and pray. i say again, it's in God's hands.

but i cannot find any motivation. not even the damn sadistic letter from school.

ah, stop giving excuses okay. we'll all try. and we'll make this work throughout the year. no more wasting our potentials, wasting our lives away. especially not next year.

(you know i'm saying all this to motivate myself and you, but honestly it doesn't work most of the time. and now is included.)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP IT! STOP THIS STOP THIS STOP THIS STOP THIS

if i want to do well, STUDY HARD AND DON'T WASTE TIME OR PROCRASTINATE.

if i want to lose weight, CONTROL MY APPETITE AND EXERCISE

and if i am not willing to do those things mentioned above, i'll have to accept myself.

which is not an option currently. (:

okay whatever lah. have a nice year. pfft.

or tragic year. depends on however you view it.

twisting beside myself @5:16 PM

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aishah
ida
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aputiky
shivani
lisha
kapoor
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charis
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ain
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CAMBODIA Fatihah
'

My Wishlist!:

World peace

End of povery

Justice

To be a better Muslim/person

To lose sufficient weight :s

Get into dentistry :s

and so much more :)

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