WILKOMMEN
:3
Bill Kaulitz is teh seks. <3
I also wish for world peace, end of poverty,happiness and justice for everyone. :]
uh.
i think i just subconsciously bore more grudges.
which is why i'm feeling really angry now for no reason.
some people are just brutal with their words.
and i'm taking revenge on mofos who think i'm retarded. i'm not, damn it. i'll prove it to you one day. MARK MY WORDS.
...bye.
twisting beside myself @1:28 PM
HAHAHAHA NADIAH NORIEGA IS A RAD NAME
*sticks out tongue at aishah and tips*
XD
(mostly ripped from tips' blog... sorry tips)
i swear to God if i were there i'd squeal, jump on stage and hug that stupid guy.
my favouriteeeeesttttt part:
hehehehehehhehehe
AND HAHAH CHECK THIS ONE OUT!
WATCH HIM MAKING FUNNY (GAY) NOISES IN THE LAST PART
DANNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. noriega.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
i wish i was his friend, i'd go shopping with him anytime.
then we can buy clothes and comment how they look on each other.
"tsk, danny, that colour's like, so GAAAAY."
*raises an eyebrow* "But like, i'm like, already gay."
"hmm? i thought you were bi."
"yeahhhh. but now i like a dude.he's like, so hooot and like, gorgeousssss. real macho y'know, six pack and all"
"WHO WHO? TELL ME :D"
*points to a poster with Jonathon Reys Meyers on it and grins*
"OMG JONATHON REYS MEYERS!!! I LOVE HIM TOO!"
*bounces around with danny noriega and squeals in the shopping center till people look at us*
HAHAHAHAHHAA WOW I'M SO GOOD AT DAY(evening actually)DREAMING
hehehehehehhe.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR i'm looking for this video nadia lamri took of me and some friends in sec 2 on youtube, but i can't find it. )=
it never fails to crack me up.
I LOVE SEC 2. best year of my life.
k, that was random.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYY NNNNNOOOORRRRIIIIEEEEEEEGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
nadeeya noriega :D
twisting beside myself @12:17 PM
Monday, February 25, 2008
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
well, i can't say what made me say that because it's a surprise ^_^ (-_-)
but just know this: DO NOT GET SHOCKED WHEN YOU SEE ME TOMORROW.
thassall i'm saying, goodbye now.
twisting beside myself @7:10 AM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
| You're a Part Time Brainiac |
 But potential doesn't get you to genius. It's going to take some work. Like most smart people, you enjoy a good intellectual challenge every now and then. But you do tend to shy away from anything difficult, frustrating, or complex. Push yourself to think, learn, and explore more... even when it feels bad. You have the capacity to solve amazingly difficult problems. You just need to let yourself do it. |
a big fat LOL to the last two sentences.
and, a big fat FUCK YOU to all you snotty 'my-standard-of-english-is-extremely-high-and-i'll- put-it-up-publicly-to-show-everyone-because-whoever-uses-singlish-isn't-intelligent' people.
twisting beside myself @1:32 PM
well, amaths was shit. i'm failing almost everything this term, and it doesn't help when more problems come along. -_-
you know what's shocking? i sit at the back, and i have this friend who sits at the front and she realises that i'm depressed.
i'm not the type who scrutinizes everybody's faces to read their emotions, and i doubt my friend is that type too.
so, i have only one theory for all this: i am a fucking open book.
which is true, because i let myself go so much with somebody.
and i'm not surprised if my other friends hate me too ( i hope they don't and i have a feeling they don't) because i've been treating them like a spare tire when i'm with you.
so basically, it's my fault for having terrible self-control.
i've been depressed for the whole of this week until only yesterday, when i... was a bit more sober. but that doesn't mean i don't feel anymore pain.
i just hope i get my fucking act together. i cannot go around like this any longer.
twisting beside myself @8:05 AM
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
i feel numb.
or more specifically, like i'm in a drug rehabilitation center.
like the drugs i've been taking have been snatched away suddenly and i'm forced into rehab.
like the happiness and hyperness the drugs gave you before have all worn off, and the destructive effects are kicking in.
and that's not all, because being sent to rehab means terrible withdrawal symptoms.
i also feel like the sun in my skies has been replaced by huge storm clouds. it's all grey. the waves are crashing down on the empty beach.
i cannot believe i'm saying this, but i feel exactly like bella in new moon.
The only minor difference is that her love was requited and mine isn't.
diyana isn't exaggerating. one day i feel all this and it's enough to make me go into a coma. diyana has been having it for two whole years.
i can't believe all the poppy and sappy songs i've been listening to on repeat ever since.
i just can't believe that all this is happening to me.
and please don't mind me being bitchy or different for the next few days.
i mean, it's not everyday that your heart gets ripped into shreds.
twisting beside myself @12:22 PM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
i love the first part of this video. so selambe. hahaha.
---
so, i'm sec four now.
that means i'm a senior of NPCC.
that means the rest of my squadmates and i get the NPCC room to ourselves and leave our stuff lying around.
that means, we can treat the room like our own.
which means, changing in the room.
:D
if you ask me, changing clothes in front of people requires an enormous amount of self-esteem, which is why i do so in the toilet.
but for convenience's sake, some people just do it there in the NPCC room.
and me, being well, ME, i just can't help but stare.
now you all must think i'm a perverted lesbian who goes around staring at girls changing clothes, but no.
i'm not extremely straight, but i'm still pretty much straight.
and i don't ogle,i admire.
there's a difference you know.
it's just that their bodies are so freakin' HAWT.
they've all got flat tummies, something i only dream of having or only get the illusion of having when i haven't eaten much.
they've got boobs :O
and they've got pretty nice legs.
oooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
i want!!!
i didn't even realise i was staring yesterday after NPCC, until farzean smiled at me. then i was like," oops, sorreh."
BUT IT'S SO. PURDY. not trying to be a shallow bastard, but beauty does amaze you. especially seeing it coming from their bodies.
rawwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh.
i want it so badly. if i ever become slim, i'd actually feel normal. i'd be able to go into any clothes store and get anything in a size S, or M maximum, and look freaking good in it.
)=
and i've just been thinking again, and this time i've been thinking about how being slim can do wonders to your self-confidence. it's not shallow, i feel. it's just a harsh fact of life.
i know of some overweight people who are happy, but i just can't be like that. i don't know why.
i don't know if it's because i feel so self-conscious whenever i go out of the house.
i don't know if it's because my brothers constantly call me names.
i don't know if it's because of my mother always telling me that i'll look better if i 'just lose 20kg'.
and it doesn't help that i'm starting to get my appetite back. it's still like a mad dog barking furiously because it's being tied to a leash, but the leash is loosening.
still, i'm quite amazed at how my appetite has reduced. i remember earlier this week i think,when i ate one whole plate of rice for recess and felt nauseated after that.
but, arghhh. prom's this year. i can't go looking like this! and i remember distinctly in primary 6, another hectic exam year, when i sacrificed how i looked (bingeing on chocolates a LOT) for my studies.
in the end i looked like my ez-link card photo. *shudders at thought of ez-link picture, and frowns at the fact that a bus driver who saw a sticker on it asked me to take it off*
i just need...balance i guess. work and play, eating excessively and moderately.
in the end, my whole life boils down to self-control, which... sucks.
:(
if only i had listened to my mother telling me that i 'will regret it later on in life' when i was eating like nobody's business when i was young.
if only i had controlled myself since last time. i wouldn't be in this rut now.
still, i can hope for change.
------
OOOH! I FOUND ONE PICTURE WHERE I DON'T LOOK LIKE A DUDE. =D=D=D
but i think it's just the flowers. -_-
twisting beside myself @1:17 PM
V day was such a happy day :D
and i got the coolest things from people.
check it out
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
twisting beside myself @1:11 AM
Monday, February 11, 2008
Jealousy
i've just been thinking.
i don't know how anyone could possibly feel so much hate and jealousy. these feelings... they make me quite sick in the head sometimes. (i'm referring to myself, so i hope nobody gets paranoid.)
i'd be happy for a friend if she or he got what i did not.
or maybe... not.
first it's anger,then it's hate, then it's jealousy, then it's a fully-developed grudge.
and it's usually involving people whom i love a lot too.
i know life's not fair but sometimes you see someone who gets whatever you want and they don't even have to put in effort, and you ask yourself why.
it sucks worse when it's what you want really, really, really, badly.
i'll just have to bear with all these ill feelings i guess. but i have to confess, even the normal emotional problems that i face aren't as terrible as jealousy.
twisting beside myself @8:51 AM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
PANIC. AT. THE. DISCO.
have a new songggg =D
|
hehehehehe i was bouncing in the car when i heard it.
they removed the exclamation mark from their name )=
i thought that made them special, not gay. -_-
hmm.
-----------------
anyhoo, referring to the post below, ah. ignore it. i should just develop a thicker skin.
no, actually i'm immune to insensitive remarks, i just hate it if it keeps getting repeated all the time. i don't get hurt. just very annoyed.
-----------------
you know what i think?
i think i want to start living life 'in moderation', if you get what i mean.
that means,
no extreme moodswings, just calm and peaceful.
no excessive laughter.
no more excessive eating and bingeing.
no more extremely bad results. only good.(this is the only exception to the 'moderation thing. it has to be good or extremely good.)
and most importantly, i want to be normal.
i'm so SICK of being The One People Are Condescending To.
for once in my life, i want to be The One Who Is Condescending To Others. not in a bitchy holier-than-thou way, just one who isn't... unconventional.
i.e, normal.
and i'm proud of myself for being able to control my appetite for the first time in my life. hehehehe. i just.. don't feel like eating much nowadays.
shun food. food is teh evilx.
and i'm going for a '70% vegetables in your three meals every day' diet for one month. vegetables taste delicious actually. o.o
i'm starting to study more too. heeho.
and i want to start exercising self-control in the area of laughter and moods. i'm almost sixteen (in ten months' time =D), meaning i'm already a young adult. hence, i should act as such.
so don't get shocked if you don't see me going
"HAOUHROEHEOAUHAHAHAHAOHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAOHOOHOOOHOO, HOOO HOOO HOOO HEHAOUHAOHAUOAHUAHAHHAAAAAHAAAA."
yuh. self-control. ^_^
i just want to detach myself from this emotionally unstable, impulsive, ill-disciplined, insecure, manic-depressive person you all know me as today. if not for the rest of my life, at least for this year.i can't go around behaving like this anymore.
speaking of 'detach', well my body is just that.
sometimes what my facial expressions imply are totally different from what i'm thinking or feeling.
For example,
people around me:" Are you okay? You look pissed/sad/emo."
me: "Huh? Really?I'm fine."
-
people around me: "You blush around ___ you know.You like ____ ah?"
me: "WHAT?? I DO???"
-
i have a feeling it's because this year is wearing me out.
what's fucked is that it's only the beginning of february. aaaaaaahhhh.
twisting beside myself @5:32 AM
Thursday, February 07, 2008
i haaaaaaaattttteeeee it when people rub it in. it's one of the worst things anybody could ever do to anybody else.
i especially hate it when it's done indirectly.
i also hate the fact that the people, or rather, person, doesn't seem to realise even though i clearly remember telling her before. is it so hard to remember?
come on man. i can also be big-headed. i sometimes think to myself that i will not let myself be like this person, that person, etc.
but i don't make it so bloody darn obvious.
and you can't even cheer me up. you just end up making me feel worse.
'it's okay if i got way higher than you in that test, you still can work harder next time.'
that, my friend, is rubbing it in. although your intentions are not bad, what you say subconsciously, is. it bothers me. a lot.
but i thank you, because if it were not for your insensitivity since the day we became closer, i would not be determined.
this might sound, oh i don't know, PATHETIC, but i will try harder now. and i WILL try hard enough to beat you.
just because you're hardworking, it doesn't mean you're smart. and i'm not being a sour grape, i'm just rubbing it in which you ALWAYS do anyway.
so you just mark my words. i'll reach those 'impossibly high standards' you've set for yourself. i might be very lazy. but that doesn't mean i'm stupid.
twisting beside myself @5:16 AM
Monday, February 04, 2008
"bow chika wow wow, au au! bow chika wow wow wow au au!"
"anybody can sing, but you gotta have that AW factor, that AW factor"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA CUTE I WANT TO HUG BOTH OF THEM 'SPECIALLY JEFFREY
twisting beside myself @1:54 PM
i will now prove to you why i think i look like a male nowadays.
here, i look like a fat girl, which i am. fair enough.
if i had a mohawk, i'd look like a dude here.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FAT+BOY LOOKING
._.
FINALLY. a picture where i actually look like a girl. hehum.
i didn't know that trying to control my laughter while taking the picture with fifah posing like a pussycat doll will make me look so freakin HANDSOME.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH.
i have GOT to lose weight. and i don't think it's for vanity or health issues which i've given up on anymore. it's about GENDER-DISTINCTING ISSUES.
-_-
anyway, i think i want to cut my hair. it's too long and this year is going to be hectic.
oh, and speaking of THIS YEAR, well. i haven't been updating for quite long so here's a summary:
ML O Level results- screwed. FAR from what i had hoped for.
the rest of my tests- screwed. bad results are beginning to get to me. see, never too late right? i thought i was a gone case. heho.
my moods- THEY ARE SWINGING UP AND DOWN LIKE THE SINE GRAPH. i thought i was enough of an oddball in sec 3, but i swear i've been through SO many emotions this month alone.
i mean, i'm pretty used to be high and hyper at school and going home and being sad there, but now i can be happy and sad both at school. there was this week, i think two weeks ago, where i cried two days in a row.
all because of results.
I AM GOING TO STUDY HARD. seriously, i have the 'fire of determination' (haha so corny right) burning already.
but now i'm just wondering how i'm going to catch up with the emaths, amaths, BIO, CHEM, HISTORY, LIT AND SS syllabus for two years in a matter of a few months before the O's.
and yes kapoor, lit is 31 chapters, not 25 =D
you can study the 'most important and likely to be tested' parts but the most insignificant(or so you thought) parts will come out and you'd have to analyse that and you'd be like WHOT???
-_-
my time management seriously sucks. most of the time i don't know how my time just flies out of the window and i'm not even doing anything useful in my life at that moment
pffffffffft.
okay i will stop whining and sound like him (haha atifa). may we all be strong enough to take the bull by the horns and KILL THE DAMN BULL. (the bull is the olevels)
=D
bye -_-.
twisting beside myself @11:34 AM
tips
aishah
ida
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shivani
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ain
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