WILKOMMEN
:3
Bill Kaulitz is teh seks. <3
I also wish for world peace, end of poverty,happiness and justice for everyone. :]
twisting beside myself @1:10 PM
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Your Mind is 89% Cluttered |
 Your mind is incredibly cluttered. You have so much going on in there, it's hard to think straight. Consider talking to a therapist. It's a good idea to sort through your thoughts, if only to see which ones are worth hanging on to. |
I'm feeling quite insulted about this particular thing that happened, even though i know i shouldn't. But i just can't help it.
I hate people thinking i'm a retard, but i also hate them thinking 'oh she's just another one of those who can't make it; let's not waste time on her' and then disregard me completely.
And diyana told me something during English IR yesterday, which struck me. Sorry diy, but I don't think i'll ever completely forgive those who have wronged me, even though my wounds have healed and all that remains are scars.
But don't worry, I'll channel all this hate and anger into something positive.
twisting beside myself @1:53 PM
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I give up on my plan of sleeping in the afternoon and waking up at night to study till the wee hours of the morning.
This is because:
- By the time i'm awake to study, everyone will be sleeping, and it sometimes scares me shitless.
- I somehow achieve less than i want to at night.
- I sleep through my dinner time, and thus i don't eat dinner. Which makes me very hungry.
- The silence of the night time is something i love, because it is the time i reflect about my life and think about things which i don't think about during the day time.
However, this is a nuisance because i get all this random,unnecessary thoughts and emotions which i don't want to be thinking or feeling.
And my thoughts have been revolving around this one particular thing this someone has said, which was extremely tactless, and had all its negative implications.
You know, I can't stand it when people look at me like i'm some kind of retard from hell.
I mean, not meaning to sound arrogant, but if i WERE a retard from hell, i wouldn't even be in this school, damn you.
So maybe i don't blame you for thinking i'm a retard from hell.The decisions i have made for the past one year and three months have been pretty retarded.
I mean, being bothered by things is something which is in your control. Getting bothered by self-induced feelings and depression and self-induced problems is indeed, retarded.
But the way you look at me, like i'm not worth your time, it really bothers me. (And in this case, i don't really think it's very much in my control.)
So i reiterate that my DECISIONS are retarded. But i don't think i'm intellectually deficient.
I'm just stating my opinion here: I do NOT think that bad grades in our school is due to intellectual deficiency. I know supremely intelligent people who have wasted their potential and thus, the bad grades. But are they lacking intelligence? The answer is smacking- in- the- face obvious - NO.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to state that i'm intelligent or anything, because i myself believe i'm average, or only slightly above average and i don't come close to being a genius at all.
But to just look down on me and think i'm a retard - Actions speaks so much louder than words, so it doesn't matter if it isn't being said - is just unacceptable.
I've talked to some people about this, and some have told me to look at the glass half full. I've improved and that is solid proof that i'm not retarded.
So, if you're going to call me a retard, or think it, or have body language where it is written all over, I confess. I can't take it.
But now, it's not a matter of not being able to take it anymore.
Now, i WON'T take it. Got that?
twisting beside myself @5:05 AM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Got back three papers today, and for once in my life i can say that i'm somewhat proud of them.
History-Improved, and not a bad mark.
Amaths-Improved, actually missed an A by one mark and was really irritated, until i found out that i had to get some more marks deducted due to careless mistakes -_- oh well, i'm fine with it.
Emaths - Like english, i'm not jumping for joy about it, but it's satisfying enough. Although, like history, i missed a higher grade by one mark.
Which is one of those things that really riles me up.
I'm not overjoyed about my results or anything, but i noticed a few positive changes; I've passed some subjects which i've been failing consistently and improved in almost all the subjects.
And it feels good to feel good for once and not so negative o_o honestly, if there's one thing i lacked since last year, it was this feeling.
I'm going to try to achieve something everyday. This way, i will feel better about myself. Few things feel better than achieving your personal goals, actually.
And i can't bear the thought of the O's happening in less than half a years' time.... But i won't think about it.
twisting beside myself @10:20 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
OH. MGOD.
* squeals* *rolls on bed* *drops on the floor* *rolls on the floor* *bangs into nearby table*
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAWTTTTTTTTT.
THE HAIR! THE DUDE! THE SCENERY! AND. THE VOIIIIIIICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD
AND ROBERT PATTINSON IS NOT BREATH-TAKINGLY GORGEOUS BUT HE HAS THIS AURA OF HANDSOMENESS [?] AND OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD
i simply cannot wait for it to come out.
THREE DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY TOO!! :O *hints at everyone*
twisting beside myself @8:10 AM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING?
4am. Was supposed to wake up at 3am. (i slept at 9pm.) But then, i felt lazy and slept all the way till 7am, waking up only to switch off my handphone snoozing. -_-
I am such a pig.
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?
I like bling.
3. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
IRON MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICKED ASSSSSSSSS MOVAYYYYY :O
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?
Those weird ones on MTV, and pretty much anything else. I don't stick to any specific show.
5. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Anything my maid cooks.
6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
If my full name was included.... Ameerah?
7. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE?
I don't. Know. o_o
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CD?
My Chemical Romance all the way :D
9. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
I don't drive.
10. FAVOURITE SANDWICH?
I like tuna :D
11. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE?
There are a lot of things i hate, truth be told.
12. FAVOURITE ITEM OF CLOTHING?
Hoodie! Though i only own one, which is so thick i can only use it in winter countries ):
13. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? nowhere. i love home :D
14. WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
pinkish, beigish, brownish.
15. FAVOURITE BRAND OF CLOTHING?
none really.
16. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
Somewhere isolated.
18. FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?
TABLE TENNIS!! and soccer. RONALDO KICKS ASS IN SCORING GOALS
19. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS?
i ain't sending nothing to nobody
20. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
nobody sent this, i copied it from serious's blog.
21. PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK FIRST?
i told you, nobody's sending anything o_o
22. FAVOURITE SAYING?
'When you want something badly, the whole world will conspire to give it to you'- a certain malay teacher XD
23. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?
10 days before christmas :D (and ten days older than serious)
24. ARE YOU A MORNING OR NIGHT PERSON?
NIGHT! i hate mornings. I hate the alarm clock shrieking in my ear, i hate checking the clock constantly to see if i'm late for school, i hate having long, draggy lessons at school, i hate it.
I love the night. it's so silent.
25. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE?
Let's just say it's above the average size :)
26. PETS?
13 cats. or was it 12? never mind.
27. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US?
...No.
28. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
a singer XD
29. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
quite alright, but very restless.
30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CANDY?
I'm more of a chocolate person.
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FLOWER?
roses.
32. WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO?
the end of o levels.
33. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
not typing it out hereeee :D
34. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
'Let Go'- Frou Frou (Imogen Heap's ex-band)
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
chocolate, then chocolate biscuits. and i didn't eat lunch after that, HAH
36. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
i pray to God.
37. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
Black or pink. depending on my mood.
38. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
Neither hot nor cold... somewhere in between.
39. FAVOURITE SOFT DRINK?
Sprite and kickapoo
40. FAVOURITE RESTAURANT?
swensens
41. SIBLINGS?
an older bro and a younger bro.
42. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
none.
43. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
barbie dolls, lol.
44. WINTER OR SUMMER?
Winter. But it's very irritating when you get your mensus during winter. (Haha sorry for the randomness, it's just that i keep getting it when i'm in winter countries ._.)
45. HUGS OR KISSES?
*smiles my weird smile* ..both?
46. COFFEE OR TEA?
COFFAYYYYY
47. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
CHOCOLATE. duh?
48. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Not cried but teared. Anyway i don't feel like saying it here.
49. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
my maid's mattress.
50. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST?
technically speaking, diyana. I've known her since kindergaten and we went to the same primary school and the same secondary school and now the same class. Hahaha.
51. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
I was so very annoyed at my mother that i went to sleep. I went jogging anyway, which was somehow very tiring.
52. FAVOURITE SMELL?
That fresh, cool, air after rainy days.
53. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
God, death, loneliness, being alone, (sometimes) the dark
54. SAVOURY OR SWEET?
BOTH!!!!! Yes, tell me i'll die of diabetes and high blood pressure. You're not the first to do so
55. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEYRING?
I don't know.
56. HOW MANY YEARS AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
about 13 years. I'm a student :)
57. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK?
weekdays
58. HOW MANY TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
one.
59. DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY?
I'm okay at it.
60. HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL YOU SEND THIS TO?
THERE WILL BE NO SENDING OF ANYTHING.
---------------
WEEEEEEELLLLLLL,
the mid year results.
Eng - I'm not jumping for joy about it, but it's satisfying enough.
SS- I hope Rlo dies a terrible death. Hahah okay, i won't be so horrible.
Chem - Expected. But at least i improved. It's still a pathetic mark, nevertheless.
Bio - I PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD. But not great. But i finally passed.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND i have to go now.
Good day.
twisting beside myself @11:19 AM
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Haha, i'll be honest.
I've been staring at my blogging space for a while now, thinking about something to say.
But don't get me wrong, there are THOUSANDS of things i COULD blog about. But it ends there. I can't type it out.
I don't know if it's because it's too personal, or that i'm just bored of blogging, or any other reason.
Well, anyway.
These past few days i've been in an inexplicable weird mood. Not exactly bad mood, more like serious. (Haha, i've got to give it to you aishah dude. Being serious is quite fun :D)
I still do laugh normally, and talk normally, but i'm...brooding more.And i'm always in deep thought and getting depressed sometimes about the silliest things.
I shouldn't entertain negative thoughts. But i can't help but be worried about my future. It's really beginning to get to me, as in, REALLY. While everyone else is relaxing and chilling after the mid years, here i am wondering what to do next.
And i have to do well for the prelims. That's something i can't forgive myself for if not accomplished.
And after my teachers went through papers like Amaths and Emaths, i realise that once again, i want to kick myself in the ass.
Amaths might be quite challenging, but it's do-able if you DID study properly and know your stuff. Which i uh, DIDN'T??? (-_-)
And emaths seems difficult, i realise, because we're trained to think so complicatedly in Amaths that it's so difficult to revert back to thinking simply. THE QUESTIONS WERE EASY, IF I HAD JUST HAD THAT 'SIMPLE FRAME OF MIND' BEFORE THE EMATHS EXAM.
A BIG FAT
-___________________-"
to the mid years.
and that's why i'm saying now, though i highly doubt the prelims are any easier, i must MUST do well. and i define well by the L1R5 range of 6-18.
ARGHH. i'm feeling so many peoples' expectations being pinned on me and here i am, with only so much i can give, and if that fails then i fail and then i fail my parents and my family and myself.
it's so...hard....
):
twisting beside myself @1:02 PM
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