WILKOMMEN
:3
Bill Kaulitz is teh seks. <3
I also wish for world peace, end of poverty,happiness and justice for everyone. :]
Haha now i get what Aishah means by Bill sounding like a bitchy girl hahahahahha.
Well since i'm not going to be able to play the computer much/any more after this, and i think there's a 99.99% possibility that any Tokio Hotel member will come across this blog, i'd just like to say.
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO BILL AND TOM KAULITZ
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I LOVE YOUR GUYS AND YOUR BAND
TO DEATH AND BILL YOU'RE AWESOME
hehe. g'night everybody.
twisting beside myself @12:39 AM
Friday, August 29, 2008
Black Magic
I'm feeling very alarmingly complacent today. The exams that i just did were all not as well-done as i had wanted them to be, and just because the prelims have ended this term doesn't mean it has fully ended, nor does it mean the O Levels have ended
)=
I find it hard to believe that the reason i came to tkgs in the first place will be happening in less than two months' time.
Well anyway.
English Paper 1- Section A, wrote about something very personal and emotional. So much that i found it difficult to continue to section B, but did anyway in the end.
English Paper 2- Still recovering from the after-effects of Paper 1. But it was alright after a while
SS- Strangely i think i did better for SEQ than SBQ this time. Usually it's the other way around. First time in an SS paper that i didn't know what to write for SBQ, but could reach L5 (at least i hope so) in SEQ.
HML P1-HAHAHA THIS PAPER. I tried to make sense in the dialogue even though i knew i was crapping but i had a LOT of fun for section B. Basically, I was an african-american black dude who was discriminated and i had a best friend called Bill Kaulitz hahahahahaha
Amaths P1- Some questions were crazy hard, and some were manageable. Which is something that makes me really unsatisfied. For exams you want to increase the probability that you will do well in a paper, and when you screw one part up you lose confidence for the next.
History P2- I was confident in SBQ but not really in SEQ. I was hoping the SBQ chapter would come out in SEQ instead. And they lied through their teeth about not combining chapters. I created my own pacts HAHAHA
Bio P2- Bloody. Screwed. Up. Never felt more like a dumb blonde in my life, minus the fact that i'm not blonde.
Emaths P2- It was not crazy hard, but it was tricky. I lose 12 marks just like that, by simply circling and moving on and not having time to revisit the questions. Also, my stomach had to be a bitch (probably the result of kacang pool yesterday...) halfway through the paper and i spent about 10 minutes inside the toilet.
Lit Elec- One thing i realise about lit is that i know what to say but not how to elaborate and make it into a well-developed essay. And it was a first time i tried out a 25-mark essay question based on jem. Hopefully it's good enough.
I'm going to take a deep breath, slack for a while, and then continue this crazy journey of exams. Next killer paper would be chemistry and i seriously have to revisit last year's history.
Today was a really eventful day.
After lit i met the rest at PP (To which i took a bus with Priyanka...Who told me things which are really food for thought) and we ate a bit at burger king. After that i went to look for some black eyeshadow (be yourself day) because i felt the one i had at home was too glittery. Aishah lent me $20 to get one. Thanks dude.
Then we left and as usual serious and i took 135 home... Until ida called.
Ida apparently had paid 55 cents to go home and it was all the money she had. Just because she lost her ezlink, however, she was told to get off the bus (something which i would have been very, very pissed about.)
So ida called me basically to ask if i was anywhere near because she really needed money to go home. I said no, serious and i were on our way home. But then i felt how desperate ida was and took a bus back to parkway with serious.
Then we met bibs and ain at the same bus stop. Gave Ida the coins she needed, and thought everything else was okay. Boarded bus 31 with ida, because we decided we might as well go home with her since we were there already. We thought everything was okay until...
The bus stop in the middle of nowhere. Really funny how jinxed we seemed at that point of time. But 4 or 5 free bus tickets for ida compensated for the lack of luck. HAHAHA.
Reached home finally around four. Ate and slacked.
Checked my phone and Tipa messaged me saying that TOKIO HOTEL WERE ON TRL. Nearly lost my mind. Screamed and hollered and switched on the TV and saw them on the TV and screamed somemore and i felt really irritated when there was this annoying rapper acting sexy and taking out his singlet. I didn't care. I WANTED TO SEE BILL. BILL KAULITZ.
So after that horrendous performance by the rapper (very out of tune, by the way), TRL ended and i saw tokio hotel standing beside the TRL people and that's it.
Felt very high after that and started bouncing around.
And then i slept, and i woke up still tired, ate dinner, and i'm here now.
And tomorrow's be yourself day.
This is not the video that i saw today but WHO CARES?? IT WAS TAKEN THIS MONTH!!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE WHAT BILL WAS WEARING! I really want a girl(ier) version of his whole outfit. And i swear i don't know how those fans who got to stand barely one metre from them can keep their cool.
Because if it were me, i'd jump, scream, squeal, hug Bill and Tom, and probably blush furiously (involuntary action) till the end of the day, and ask them to sign everything i have on me, and take pictures, and autographs, and tell them how much i love them, and tell Bill (very straightforwardly) that i'd love a boyfriend like him, and tell Tom he's hot, and tell Gustav he looks like a teddybear, and Georg that he's really like a cool surfer dude.
Mannnn. I looove that band. Haha thanks ida, you have a talent of introducing me to things which i eventually become obsessed about.
twisting beside myself @3:27 PM
Monday, August 25, 2008
Trust me to do something like this one day before an exam, and two days before a killer one.
I don't know if it's the rain, or the fact that i've been cooped up studying in my Grandmother's house all day.
Know how it feels when you want to go somewhere in your life so terribly and settle down and be stable, but you just keep.. how do i say this. Relapsing?
My mother told me before that an idle mind is one on which the devil can prey on. But this is nothing bad, nothing setanic. Moreover, it's something i jolly well have a control of, just that i keep going back to where i started.
I'm running in circles. I need to get out.
But then again, this may just be temporary. Sooner or later you're going to see me stoic and calm.
At least, i hope.
The only reason why i'm permitted to use the computer now is because i'm not; My family's out sending my cat to the vet. He seems to be sick.
Just two Fridays ago my other cat died. If this one is going to suffer a similar fate, then i just don't know how many things in my life i'm going to lose.
twisting beside myself @1:40 PM
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I really shouldn't be here
Hahahahahah i just finished watching the video on Aishah's blog. The mat part is not that funny, but the minah part is just... disturbing.
Right. So why am i blogging when prelims start tomorrow?
Truth is, i have no idea. Just an impulse i suppose.
I'm quite thankful that some people whom i thought of as monsters managed to convince me to degrade them further to the status of a mosquito.
You hate mosquitoes, yet you live with them. They fly around you, you either swat at them or spray insecticide, or just be patient and bear with them. They can make you feel really infuriated, or you'll just have to be apathetic. They are, after all, just annoying and pathetic little creatures everyone hates.
And trust me, my apathy is officially genuine. =)
I still can't believe tomorrow marks the beginning of the last exam i'm ever going to have set by TKGS. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Whatever it is, i'm still not in the exam mode.
And i realise that September is going to be an extremely difficult month for me. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Honestly, i don't even know how it's August now when July felt like yesterday, and June felt like the day before, and May the day before that, and so on.
2008
January - Finding a foothold
February - (Stupid and unnecessary) Heartbreak
March - Healing
April - Healed and academics
May - Determination increased
June - Academy and deep musings
July - Went by in a blur
August - Confusion and stress
And i don't know what's going to happen in the next two months.. Life just changes too quickly.
By the way Ida, here's the video where Bill says he's gay. But he's being sarcastic because he read it off from the internet somewhere.
twisting beside myself @7:10 AM
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Things are shaping up to be pretty odd.
1) I thought english oral was okay... But then after thinking about it, not quite.
2) Prelims are in five days.
3) O levels in 65.
4) My cat died yesterday.
5) I was planning to wake up at 8pm when i slept yesterday at 6pm, but i woke up at 4am today (soo typical)
6) I'm feeling guilty and hurt for things which don't even make sense. Like i've got this wound, and the scabs that form to try to heal it just keep flaking off and never really heal. Bleeding too. Wonder where my immunity system (if i ever HAD one in the first place) has gone to
7) Had a laugh with the gang at video world a couple of days ago. Some people would really love their normal faces to look like. Like ogres.
8) Aishah saw some disturbing things which, if i had seen, would make me traumatised. (Even tho death stare and i saw a similar thing in the 197 bus last year.. I will never forget)
It seems i'm facing the pre-exam-lack-of-preparation-self-destruction phase again.
And kapoor, Bill Kaulitz does NOT. Look like a cicak.
twisting beside myself @12:00 AM
Monday, August 11, 2008
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOUHIOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEE.
I want out. I WANT OUT. I BLOODY WANT OUT!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHH.
What is it with suicide papers for exams?
Eurgh. This sucks.
Heh.
God, help me.PLEASE.
twisting beside myself @7:48 PM
Haha, when i said one particular picture i took during the National Day celebrations looks like an advertisement, i meant it.
Hehehe. See what i mean?
And heh, in case you didn't notice, two of the pictures below are this guy above and the other two are bill pictures.
Ain't he a dolllllll :D
*sighs and gives goofy smile*
He's the most masculine in the band, by the way.
HEHEHEHEHE.
Ok sorry, i should really be getting my gargantuan butt of the computer right now.
Oh i almost forgot.
My mother had this feeling, no- INTUITION, more like, that i would get married to a German one day. It's a really stupid thing to be happy about, but my mother also told me she had a feeling she would grow up to be a doctor (dentist now, but same diff) and would have a daughter called Nadiah.
While bombarding her with questions yesterday about whether she has been to Germany before and she said yes and i asked her about the people and places, she suddenly said,
"You know, i've always thought you'd get married to a German."
Me: "*atifa-like* HAH? REALLY?"
Mum: "Yeah..One whom you'll meet in university or something."
Hehehe i better watch out!
twisting beside myself @11:29 AM
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Taking a break from doing SS. I used to like it because of the teacher, but this year it just started becoming so vague and bland.
Anyway.
EARGHHHHH.
HMMMBSSSHHHAHAHAHAHAAAOUHEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
JSHOJSHOJSHOJSHOJSHOOOOOOOOOOOO.
PSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
:O
Spot the non-Bills hehaouhaa.
1.does anyone know your password to your friendster beside yourself?
Uh yeah kinda -_-
2.what was the last thing you order at McDonalds?
Can't remember. I have not been there for a long time.
3.are you an emotional person?
Chyeah. Like, really. I try not to be for unnecessary things though. Although, for the past few weeks, i have been.
4.do you like your name?
Together it's fine, individually.. Too common. I wish my first name was serious's second. Or at least Nadzirah or something.
5.do you believe in love at first sight?
Kind of, when you can sense that you and that special someone have some chemistry thing going on. Other than that.. not really.
6.ever felt jealous of your friend?
*rolls eyes* Do i really have to answer this question? Well, yes. If you must know.
7.what was the last thing you did?
View the myspace account of a certain hottie above. (the non-bill one.) Besides typing out the answer for the question above.
8.who is right next to you?
No one.
9.who were the last person you ate with?
Older brother. Then he left so i ate alone, watching the replay of MAAs.
10.what song are you listening to right now?
Nothing. o_o
Ok since you mentioned it i'm going to play a song now.
11.hows the weather right now?
Very cool. I mean, literally.
12.last person who called you today?
gaspard ulliel. *makes trademark UH UH UH nak terberak punya ketawa sound* (Haha wth aishah hahaha.)
Um.. Nobody. Heh. (This quiz makes me seem like some sad boring person with no life lol)
13.last song you sang?
Uh.. Ich Breche Aus by Tokio Hotel if i'm not mistaken.
14.do you like anyone?
Haha what kind of question is this. 'Course i do.
15.lost a friendship over something stupid?
Kind of. But it wasn't something stupid, it was some relevant. And after trying to make things better after that, she totally cut off ties with me and my other friends so that's not my fault, is it?
16.last beverage you drank?
water
17.last food you ate?
Grandma's chicken rice
18.what did you do last night?
eh.. sleep. Haha.
19.faked being sick to miss school?
..Kind of :s
20.what time did you wake up today?
4am, switched off my handphone's snooze button, and woke up again at 7am, very pissed at myself.
21.last person you talked to?
Ok this sounds scary but i really don't recall. I think my maid.
22.last person you made fun of?
You. So. Don't wanna know. XD
23.what are you wearing now?
A rejected class t-shirt that i was supposed to donate to the Cambodian kids last year but ended up keeping it for myself because it's so baggy and comfy, and blue track pants.
24.are you too quiet to ask anyone out?
Depends. But i'm more inclined to say no. I'm very introverted you know.
25.what is the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
Nothing in particular. Unless there's something outstanding about him/her, like a gorgeous face or one which just needs a slap (hahahaha)
26.where are you right now?
parents' room. Comp's here, unfortunately
27.what date and day is it?
Sinday, 10th August 2008
28.did you go anywhere today?
Nay.
30.where else are you going today?
gaspard ulliel's house. then to bill kaullitz house for jamming and then to arashi's house to play bridge and masak-masak together.
you think? (HAHAHAHAHAHHA WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT SERIOUS DUDE?)
I ain't going nowhere. But back to my study table later to finish off that annoying globalisation chapter.
31.are you watching TV?
nope.
32.are you mature or immature?
Both, depending on my mood.
33.are you closer to mom or dad?
mom
34.When was your last kiss?
Never had one.
35.what school do you go to?
tkgs
36.what's the most annoying thing people say to you?
Don't. Effin. Get. Me. Started.
37.do you like music?
yes.
38a).Do you want to get married?
*half smile, half frown* Yea..
38(b).to whom ?
Bill Kaulitz HAHAHAHA!
Ok... I mean, anyone who can understand me, accept me, love me, and stay with me till death.
God i sound so sappy.
39. who are your best friends?
Superhero kids! And Shah.Hehehe.
40. five people to do this?
Anybahdy.
twisting beside myself @3:17 PM
Friday, August 08, 2008
An (un)apathetic way to be
That guy is from the gay(ish) band Ida introduced me to. And he is very. VERY. Hot.
I really don't know what's up with my fascination for androgynous German guys. Really.
And thanks ida, that song you introduced me to is now permanently stuck in my head. -_-
OH OH OH!!!
The host is so cute slambuh, haha. AND BILL SOUNDS SO ADORABLE AND PUBERTY-ISH.And i am in LOVE when halfway, he stops and looks in the camera and says something AHHHHHHH BILLLLL YOU'RE SO ANNOYING, HALF THE TIME I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUT I JUST WANNA HUG YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BLOODY ADORABLE.
:D
Haha okay i better stop. I'm beginning to sound like some nauseous people with a lack of vocabulary
So anyways, today was carnival day/ National Day Celebrations. I was of the impression that my parents would be sending me to school in the morning, but apparently not.
So in a hurry, i grabbed the first pair of nice heels i found. Which was, not surprisingly, a very big mistake.
The concert we had at school was alright. I thought besides being too loud the band performed well. And the drama was pretty satirical. Hahaha. So contradictory. Like many things (or people) i know.
Then we had to entertain old people, and i shook hands with them and stuck my head in class for all of five seconds before circling the canteen with Ida (who saved my life by exchanging shoes with me. She loved feeling tall and i loved the fact that my toes had breathing space. ).
Aishah and Atifa's class was so enthu, so they didn't get to follow us. And i'm not sure whether it was before or after i went round the canteen with Ida, but Kapoor brought this gorgeous stick-on tattoo thing she got from India and helped Afiyah and I wear it in the toilet.
And after school we took some pictures and then went to parkway.
Haha we look squashed.
My flower was probably tickling azu, who immediately burst out laughing after that photo was taken.
This photo cracks me up.
"BLUERK!"
"BLUERKEYEARGHHHHH' (and bibah's missing a hand)
My personal fav group pic.
You just gotta clap that coconut head.
I didn't tell anyone this, but to me, Ida looks like a much prettier version of that Rachel person from Batman in this picture HAHAHA
Hah. Hahaha -_-
I have a very odd fascination for this picture.
Trademark face number one.
This photo could make me look very unintentionally horny, but what i was actually trying to make myself not look awful.
TRADEMARK FACE ONE
Aaaaand, the last picture. Post-trademark face two. Until my camera died.
So that's about it. I've successfully gotten myself five blisters on my feet.
And with regards to certain events that have changed my life, i pretty much accept it now.
I realise that perhaps it was what i did that unleashed the evil side of you. And the guilt kills me sometimes. But that doesn't mean you must wallow in it.
But it's okay. Our feelings of not wanting to be associated with each other is mutual. I'm just going to pretend nothing ever happened between us, and that i don't know you.
So really, i hope you do that to me too. If you really don't care, you really wouldn't care that we were standing right beside you, or walking past you. Because you never knew us, and you don't care, and thus, you wouldn't do anything. Stop contradicting yourself.
Time to hit the books
twisting beside myself @4:55 PM
Monday, August 04, 2008
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
At last, one whose codes aren't disabled for embedding on your blog.
I LOVE THEIR REACTION WHEN THEY WON THAT AWARD! And if i had watched it last year, i would have said, "Aww crap. Some gay band won. Why not MCR?" But of course that is the last thing i'll say now.
Quite sad because i really like all the bands nominated.I can't believe Tokio Hotel beat Depeche Mode. o_o Depeche mode are awesome. And my favourite band is still MCR.
But so what, if you get to see Bill's reaction? He smiled my goofy smile when he was standing with the microphone in his hand, speechless!!!
ohhh Billllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll (shit i'm feeling all fan-girlish. And also living in the past. That thing was literally one year ago)
Okay back to reality.
By the way, Jared Leto was just ADORABLE in the MAAs.
twisting beside myself @3:05 PM
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Hmm. I really shouldn't be pissing myself off this way. But sometimes, you just can't help feeling like those people in National Geographic or Discovery Channel, who investigate those plane crashes and what caused them.
At least the causes of plane crashes can be found. And at least people can improve on them and make sure they never happen again
One wouldn't think something is the cause of something else based on their own stupid assumptions and false accusations. At least, I don't.
I can never really be in a peaceful state of mind till i find out. Which i won't. Not now, at least.
Oh well. Perhaps i should just bury myself in books and think about my future, rather than people who would ruin it.
But i can safely say that i tried. And i can safely say we all tried to help.
But i suppose certain people find it difficult to care about anybody else but themselves.
My whole life i have had SO many conflicts. But the causes for those conflicts - like causes for plane crashes - were found out.
And i suppose this vagueness is the one that's really keeping me awake at night, really making me daydream in the middle of studying, really eating me up slowly from the inside.
I don't even know why i let it do that. I don't want it to. I don't want to feel this way, damn it.
When i hurt you, i clearly remembered trying to clear things up, so you won't feel any excess emotional baggage.
But you don't care. You don't care a bit.
Because all you care for is yourself.
twisting beside myself @4:50 AM
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ida
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